babies were throwing up all over the place
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
