i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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