Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
did i just pee glitter
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
