This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
