We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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