So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
