the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
