# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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