Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
