if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
