I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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