Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
