Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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