I puked a lego.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
