I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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