I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
