Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
