So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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