I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
