I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
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YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh god it's open bar.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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