I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it glows. i had to have it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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