I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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