I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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