You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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