You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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