I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
