Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
