I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize