I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
