Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
