Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize