Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
