My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Green mimosas i think yes
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
