Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
