woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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