oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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