Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
