: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
