Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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