I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
