I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize