Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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