K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
