it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
