he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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