Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
