you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
