I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
