Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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