you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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