I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
