sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize