so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
