I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
