It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
