kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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