dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
