Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
