This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
