omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
