I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My life is pants optional.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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