$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's