would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...