I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no you cant smoke seaweed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad