FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it hurts more in the daytime
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?