just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.