I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
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I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants