She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
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Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline