ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.