operation harelip BJ is a go
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
