I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
