Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
