they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
