Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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