she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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