OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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