three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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