I got chris browned last night
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
