Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
