Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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