i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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