a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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