it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
