Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
