what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
