Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
