I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
