my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
