i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
