Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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