you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
