I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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