if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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