I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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