just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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