so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
