Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I yelled at your uterus for you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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