I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
