I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no, he came in my armpit
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
