Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
