matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
