need another drink. this is the easiest way
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
