I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
