I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
