Me. At least after what I've been through.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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