i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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