I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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