Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
