I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
