She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
